Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A bitchslap is in order.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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