and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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