I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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