btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
