I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
