I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
