So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Randomize
