I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
