she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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