So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
