i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
