You really coming over, don't trick.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize