Too much gin, very little bucket
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize