I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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