Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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