They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
