Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
