I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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