pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize