at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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