Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
