she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
