Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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