dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
