i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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