he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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