thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
