even my farts smell like vagina
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
