I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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