I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
