Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
