Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
