It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
