By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
