My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
