her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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