I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
