It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
