If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
