her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
