also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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