too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
