He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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