she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
