I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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