Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
