there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Come on in and take your pants off
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