READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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