you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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