If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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