I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize