Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
