Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
