Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
