When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
