Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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