he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
