I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
