I am spending my child support on dildos
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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