Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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