I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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