When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
