i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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