break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
