and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
