Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
