Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
