Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
