I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
