Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize